The American Idolater

So, obviously the highlight of American Idol last night — and of possibly the entire season — was Paula Abdul accidentally reviewing Jason Castro’s first song, and then his second song. Unfortunately, he hadn’t gotten around to actually singing the second song yet. Oops. I’m surprised they let her go on as long as she did before Ryan Seacrest (after looking offstage for some help) corrects her and tries to imply that both of her reviews were only regarding the first song.

Ken Levine at the Huffington Post points this out as proof that the judges watch the dress rehearsals and come up with their comments at that time. I didn’t realize that was up for debate, I always assumed that was a generally accepted fact about the way the show works. Was that really not known conclusively before Paula’s big screw-up?

Paula Abdul actually critiqued Jason Castro’s second song even before he sang it! And she had specifics!! This proves two things: Paula Abdul’s brain is not as highly developed as a mollusk’s. And two, the judges watch the dress rehearsal and in many cases formulate their spontaneous opinions beforehand.

Anyway, that was the highlight of the show. The rest of the show involved:

• A lot of annoying girls shrieking about David Archuleta, as usual.
• David Archuleta singing pretty poorly, as usual.
• Syesha Mercado being more boring than usual.
• David Cook being introduced by Ryan as “The Rocker,” which made me want to punch Ryan in the nose.
• Brooke White didn’t forget any words, which is a step up for her.
• And, nobody did anything remotely interesting or memorable vocally or musically.

So, there you go. Thank you Paula Abdul for at least keeping us semi-interested in the season. Who wants to bet that Ryan comes up with some bullshit explanation for Paula’s slip-up last night that somehow avoids mentioning that she had already watched Jason’s second song? I’ll take your bets right here.

Oh good, Dolly Parton week. Do I know any of her songs other than “9 to 5″ and the one Whitney Houston sang in The Bodyguard? I guess I’ll find out.

Brooke White, “Jolene” — Meh.

David Cook — Ryan Seacrest makes sure to emphasize that yes, David is admitting to ripping off other bands’ arrangements, and isn’t trying to pull a fast one over on America. Ok, whatever. He sings something boring, blah blah blah. Meh.

Ramiele Malubay — Worse than “meh,” Ramiele is completely forgettable. I’d predict her going home tonight, and it looks like DialIdol agrees, she’s in a (distant) last place. See you later, Ramiele.

Jason Castro — Jason sings something reasonably well, but the song is all about Jesus and Jesus and more Jesus and Oh Jesus Isn’t Jesus Just Awesome! Yuck. Way to make me not like you any more, Jason.

Carly Smithson — Did they say in the intro that Dolly Parton didn’t write this song? How does it count as a Dolly Parton cover if she didn’t even write it? Anyway, meh.

David Archuleta — Another religious nut Jesus song. What’s with Dolly Parton and Jesus? Anyway, meh. I’m starting to actively hate David Archuleta because having him around means I need to hear annoyingly screamy kids whenever he sings, or appears on stage, or his name is mentioned.

Kristy Lee Cook — Surprisingly doesn’t sing “God Bless the U.S.A.” yet again. Kristy manages to rise all the way up to “meh,” which I guess is low thing to reach for considering that she’s singing her precious country music this week.

Syesha Mercado — Meh. Starts out ok, and then gets all Whitney Houston on us. Bad Syesha. No cookie.

Michael Johns — Pretty good, and for this show, that means he’s the best of the night. Who knew?